If you haven’t read Part 1 of my twins’ birth story, you can read it here where I talk about the hours spent at the hospital leading up to the birth of my boys and the moment they were born. Let’s continue on here from where I left in the last post.
A nurse and my husband walked across the Operating Room to bring our babies to me; I was still lying down on the table as the doctor continued to sew up the incision.
More tears came down on my cheeks as I looked at them. ‘They are mine, they are our babies’, I kept thinking. That reality hadn’t sunk in yet, even though I had been (or I thought I was) mentally ready to have them out of my belly for a long time! “They are so cute”, I kept saying to my husband. I started talking to the boys and thanking them for being born safely. At this time, even though I didn’t tell my husband yet, I knew which one was going to have which name. (We had picked out two names but we had not decided who would be who until we actually met them.)
Unfortunately, I was not able to hold them yet, but my husband and the nurse had the babies very close to me where I could touch and see them very well. We took a few pictures and my husband and I just had to take a moment to look at them and adore them…
Then, the nurses took the boys and my husband to the recovery room first and shortly after, they wheeled me from the OR to the recovery room , which was right next door.
I saw the babies were being measured, weighed and checked again in the recovery room. I was moved to a bed in the recovery room and I still had the IV cord to my arm. My belly and my legs were still numb. I could not feel any pain. I was just so excited and overwhelmed. My body felt great. Or that’s what I thought. The nurses took my blood pressure and it was 180. They tried a number of times, and in different ways to ensure that they were getting the correct result, but it did not lower. They kept asking me how I feel and all I could say was I feel great. They said it was too high and that would they have to monitor me for a while in that room.
While we were in the recovery room, after the babies finished being checked, the nurses handed them to me and I got to hold them for the first time. I was super awkward. I didn’t know how to hold a newborn baby, let alone two newborn babies… They were so tiny and fragile. But somehow I felt right holding them. I held them against my chest to have skin-to-skin with them and then, it was time for me to feed them.
This was my first birth experience, which means it was my very first breastfeeding attempt. However, I was told to tandem breastfeed them. They told me to get used to it… Okay… I was already so overwhelmed about the fact that these cute babies are mine and they are so precious that I have to take care of them well, and I had to register that I am a mother… While I was processing all that, I had to learn how to breastfeed TWO babies at the SAME TIME. The learning curve with two babies at a time is sharp and unrelenting.
It was a challenge. The nurses were very helpful though. And my husband helped me and our babies in every little way on this brand new adventure of breastfeeding… At that time, I just did whatever was needed to do so I took instructions and just did it, and I was still in excitement and the overwhelming feeling hadn’t really hit me yet.
Other than being awkward in holding babies and feeding babies, I felt pretty good. I kept saying that the birth experience was perfect. It was so quick and smooth. I was wondering why I used to be so scared of C-section when I was younger. It was the best thing for me, for us. The boys and I were safe.
While I was starting to realize that I have my own babies in my arm… the nurses around me were getting nervous. They kept checking my blood pressure and re-adjusting IVs. It seems like my blood pressure hasn’t gone down yet. So we waited. The doctor came and checked and she said I should be okay. We waited for at least three hours before I was allowed to wheel back into our private room.
After a while, my mom and my parents in law came to see the babies. I honestly cannot remember what they said or how they reacted. I am sure they were blown away at how adorable these babies of ours were. haha I was already a protective mom! I kept saying, be careful of their necks!! I was so proud. I felt so happy when I saw my mom hold them. Even though I live so far away from my parents, they had supported me through the pregnancy and preparation of the birth. To have my mom here all the way from Japan on that special day was huge for me. My “birth plan” always had my husband as a number one support of course, and my mom was my second. She took a quick video of the boys and sent it to my dad who could not come to Canada at that time.
Ok, here we are. We are parents. That was the very first night I spent with my husband who I thought was the best thing ever happened to my life, and our little baby boys (who exceeded my “best thing in my life” that day). Our family of four, although I terribly missed my fur baby cat, spent the first night together at the hospital room. It actually wasn’t as magical or beautiful as I want to remember … my belly started to get the feeling back, which means I started to feel pain. And as we were not fast enough to change their diapers and feed them in time, the babies got fussy and we asked the nurses for help a lot. One of the boys peed and pooped on me already!
The second day of the hospital stay the reality hit me all of the sudden. After the craziness of learning everything new at once on the first day, I had a few seconds to look at myself from outside. I no longer was pregnant, of course. And I have two babies. I am fully responsible for their well beings. I never had that kind of responsibility. Our cat can be needy but he can eat, sleep and poop by himself. When the babies were inside me, all I had to do to feed the babies was to eat healthily for myself. It hit me… My life is not the same. I am the mother.
That night, I cried and cried. It was really hard to explain but I told my husband my worries and we talked all night (what were we doing? we should have gotten some sleep between the feedings! lol). He calmed me down and we listened to some music and we ate delicious sushi and Japanese stew that my mom had cooked and brought to the hospital earlier that day.
That particular overwhelming feeling did not go away for a long time. But that was the first time I felt it. I wanted to document that sad feeling I felt despite being so happy. It was the most complicated emotion I have ever felt in my whole life.
After two full days, I was finally able to stand up without fainting and blacking out. A few times before that were scary. I blacked out and I came back to the reality after a few seconds and I was like, “where am I?” It was from loss of blood from the surgery, but also due to my blood pressure still being high for a long time after the surgery. It eventually calmed down and I was able to stand and a day after that; I was able to walk to the bathroom.
When I write this, it is funny that I do not remember much about pain or how slow my recovery was during the hospital stay. I know I complained about my pain from the surgery (asked for stronger pain killer everyday!) and I had a sore back from holding two babies to feed and also from the hard hospital bed. But somehow… I cannot remember it and I don’t even care. And I would experience that time all over again. Same as the challenges in parenthood too seem to be forgotten over time. That’s how we can keep going and we grow to love our children even more each day.
Anyways, I will stop this post here. If you want to read my posts right after they were born and some postpartum challenges, I have linked some of my older posts from around then below.
My boys are here!
Breastfeeding… pumping… dilemma
6 weeks postpartum
Thank you so much for reading. If you have posted your birth story before, please link it below so I can read too.